I Would Understand
by rainxface
Summary: songfic "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind. Max is suicidal, Fang comforts her, FAX. sort of a twist at the end. All characters cry.


**Jumper**

**By rainxface**

**This is written as a little insight of my idea of why the song was written. I looked up the story behind the song a few days after starting to write this and I learned that it is about the lead singer's friend coming out of the closet gay and how everyone would put down his friend. The song talks about how the friends wants to commit suicide and it's all just the things that the lead singer wants to tell his friend before he dies.**

**I am ADDICTED to the song :)**

**Disclaimer: JP MR. "Jumper" Third Eye Blind. Rainxface everything else.**

_I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand _

She stood, her back towards me but her cries still echoing back to me. The setting sun was just below the ledge. Everything was tainted orange. Her messy blonde hair flew in the light breeze. Her arms were at her sides, one bloody.

She warned me not to come closer. If I did, she'd be at the bottom of the cliff. And her wings wouldn't be trying to catch the wind, either.

I stayed my distance and waited.

After a few hours, Iggy cautiously made his way up to where I stood. He told me he would stay watch until we got back. I nodded, my focus never actually leaving her. Iggy left, probably hearing me nod.

"Max, please?" I whispered to her. Her head snapped sharply over to me. Her eyes were piercing, and yet pleading, too.

I motioned to my side for her to come and stand with me. Reluctantly, she obeyed. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and her head rested on mine. I kissed her head before walking her back to the cave.

We sat towards the open mouth of the cave. Iggy noticed us and went to sleep, laying close to Nudge, as in his hand was basically touching her back. I didn't say it, but they looked cute like that.

Max was distant. Her eyes were not focused and her body was too relaxed for her nature. With my arm already around her, I started stroking her soft cheek. I hummed lightly, my tune gentle and caressing.

After a long while, Max looked up at me. I was still humming, and I did not cease as her eyes were pleading guilty.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to me.

I kissed her temple and told her, "It's okay."

_  
The angry boy, a bit too insane  
Icing over a secret pain  
You know you don't belong  
You're the first to fight  
You're way too loud  
You're the flash of light  
On a burial shroud  
I know something's wrong  
Well everyone I know has got a reason  
To say  
Put the past away _

We stayed awake all night.

My fingers grazed her delicate arm. The scars running up and down the skin were like a black fly on a white wall. When I reached her wrist, I slipped my hand into hers. Her tear-streaked eyes were confused, as if to say, "How could you like me after something like _this_?"

I kissed the back of her hand and smiled. With my free hand, I cupped her cheek. Her light brown eyes, usually so tense, were trying to relax farther from possibility. She was shaking lightly, and her breath came with only sharp inhales and long, drawn out exhales.

I kissed her forehead lightly, lingering for more than a few seconds before pulling back. The rising sun was like another chance for everything. A new chance to make everything right and to forget about the yesterday. The orange tint that everything gained shadowed the blackness that had settled for the night.

Unthinkingly, I lightly kissed her cheek. A blush, a peachy shade because of the rising sun, crept where I kissed her. Her eyes were filling up with moisture, I could tell, and her body language complete transformed from relaxed to tense.

"Don't," she said. "Don't do this to me. No." Her broken voice, however demanding, echoed to me with flutters like butterfly wings. Her soft blonde hair bounced as she shook her head.

"What don't you want me to do?" I asked her, whispers so quiet yet yelling loudly in confusion.

Tears began to fall before she answered me. And even when she did, her voice was barely there, hidden behind her choking throat.

"Don't make me innocent. Don't make yourself the bad guy," she insisted. "I'm the bad guy. You're trying to play hero. Don't. I'll just bring you down with me." She wiped her eyes and closed them. More tears rolled down, but she left them there. I wiped them away for her.

"You can't bring me down. You can only get me higher," I told her. Her mocha eyes snapped open and searched for me. The lock between us was very strong. Neither of us could break it. Intensity radiated off of both us. She read disbelief. I read love.

"I love you," I whispered. I bit the inside of my mouth to stop from tearing up. I waited patiently for her response.

Max smiled, brightly, but looked away.

"You shouldn't love me," she said. "Don't."

_  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand _

We stopped at another cave the next day. The trees around us were alive, colorful, and warm. The sun was brightly above us. Max and I stood inside of the cave as the others went to a town for food. She was trying to start a fire pit, and I sat against one of the walls, watching her every move.

Constantly she would fumble her hair behind her ears, wipe her hands on her old jeans, or straighten out her shirt. But somehow every move was graceful. When she finished, she sat next to me. She did not look at me. Instead, she stared straight ahead at the new pit.

Cautiously, I placed my arm around her. I leaned her into my shoulder and pet her hair. She sighed but still did not break her gaze to the fire pit.

"I love you," I whispered softly enough that she wouldn't be able to hear. I did not want a protest. I wanted a simple statement.

After a couple of passing seconds, I was thankful my words did not carry to her.

Minutes passed with silence but tension pulling each second faster and closer together. Carefully, I placed my hand on top of hers. Max did not protest.

"I'm sorry about last night." Max's broken voice was all I needed to hear after the silence. I almost smiled for the sake of hearing her voice and for her to actually talk about last night.

I held her closer to me as I began to speak.

"It's alright. We're here now," I cooed. "You have me, Iggy, Nudge, the Gasman, and Angel. You even have that darned dog. And your mom and Ella. And we all have you. We can take care of you. You won't let anything happen to you."

Slowly, we began to rock back and forth. Tears started rolling down her blotchy pink cheeks and onto my shirt. I wiped them away and then held her face in my hands. Her beautiful eyes, though red from crying, were still as gorgeous as I loved. Her blonde hair framed her face, accentuating her beauty.

"I don't care what you say, you're beautiful."

Before she could protest, I kissed her.

_  
Well, he's on the table  
And he's gone to code  
And I do not think anyone knows  
What they are doing here  
And your friends have left  
You've been dismissed  
I never thought it would come to this  
And I  
I want you to know  
Everyone's got to face down the demons  
Maybe today  
We can put the past away _

We ate dinner and sat at the entrance of the cave. The younger ones were inside the cave playing a random game. Iggy was sitting on Max's right. I was on her left. All of our eyes were closed as we just felt the sun's last burning rays fall below the horizon.

Amazingly, Max had put her hand in mine. Her head was resting up against my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around her.

Suddenly, Max took Iggy's hand in hers and lifted her head from my shoulder. I knew this was her jester of love, but there was also something else in it. What, I have no clue.

Leaning over, she kissed Iggy's cheek.

"Thank you for always being the little brother. Sorry you're stuck with me as the older sister," she said. "But thank you. I love you." She let go of my hand to hug Iggy. He hugged her back, a little blush sneaking its way onto his face. He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"Anytime," he joked.

He let go of her, and she turned to me.

Soft eyes and relaxed posture were shown the most out of Max. She also was fidgeting with her hands, twiddling her fingers.

"Thank you, Fang. For always being here for me. For always being my right hand man. For being my best friend in the whole wide world. For loving me no matter how ridiculous of a stunt I've pulled. For holding my hand through the whole way." She kissed me gently before pulling back. "I love you. I shouldn't, but I do."

"I love you, too. I should, so I will." I brushed away fallen hair and cupped her cheek.

Gently, it started, but it soon picked up passion. Fire even with the simplest of the touch. Everything else in the world blanked out.

_  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand  
I would understand  
Can you put the past away  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
I would understand..._

The next morning I woke. I was back at the original cave, the one where Max had almost jumped off of. Except Max wasn't around and everyone was crying. Angel and Nudge were holding each other in the back of the cave; Gazzy was sitting next to Iggy who looked like he was waiting for me to wake up.

"What happened?" I asked, not fully coherent. "Where's Max?" The name of my love seemed to bring pain to everyone listening.

"Fang; we don't know how to tell you this," Iggy said in a murky voice. He wiped his eyes before continuing this. "Last night, she… don't you remember? You were there."

I shook my head, confused.

"She warned you not to come any closer and you didn't listen. She threw herself of the ledge. Don't you remember?"

"No, she didn't. Two nights ago, she told me not to come any closer and then after a while she walked over to me. Last night, she told you how much she appreciated you being her little brother and kissed you on the cheek. Last night, she told me that she loved me and she kissed me! She didn't do anything suicidal last night." I was furious. The people I trusted were trying to tell me that my love was dead. They were lying to me.

"Dude, none of that happened," said Gazzy. "Two nights ago, it was like any other night with us."

"I'm sorry, man," Iggy spoke again. "You didn't listen to her. You were trying to tell her something and she jumped. We searched the whole night while you stayed here. You didn't want anything to do with her search. You said you couldn't bare to find if she lived or not."

"No, that didn't happen! Max is still alive, I know it!"

They say that when a loved one passes in the world, you can tell when they've gone. And somehow, I never believed it to be true. But now that I was being told that Max was dead, I could somehow feel the world a bit different. I just didn't want to tell anyone.

Suddenly, I broke down and started crying. Iggy looked shocked behind my tear blurred eyes, and the Gasman looked even more broken that his new leader was breaking down.

"I couldn't have been dreaming!" I cried. "Everything was so real: Max's tears, our kisses, her voice, her beauty. _Everything_!"

Everyone – Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Angel, and Total, too – crowded around with a big group hug.

After everyone pulled away, only Angel stayed to hang on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head.

Her beauty and grace, I would forever withhold to me. I will never forget.

**Sorry if you cried. And sorry about the little twister at the end. It just came to me and I HAD to write it. Sorry, I thought it was a brilliant idea.**

**Nothing else to say.**

**-rainxface**


End file.
